And so here I am again. Returned to the dusty hallways and locked doors of my writings.

I now live in a lodge deep within a forest of ancient white pine, maple, oak and birch trees; all growing, reaching and touching the sky. There is a lake in this forest with waters as pure as innocent truth. As clear as invisibility.

And now great clouds pass over us, the forest, lake, lodge and myself and seem as oblivious to us as we are to what they drift towards.

And it becomes dark as day transforms into night.
Another life is awaking.
The sounds of nocturnal animals mingle with the sound of strong young winds passing through the tall pines and lower leafy trees.
The full moon rises.

I return to the dusty hallways and begin to unlock the doors.
I have returned to find I am not alone.

I do not have the time this morning to write all that I would like to say. I must be more than brief I am afraid. There should be a good amount of time for writing much later this evening and so I shall look to that time with great anticipation and hope I am correct with this guess.

I have been away. Not to magical shores of distant lands. I have not even mingled with my fellow creations at celebrated clubs, hotels or elegant restaurants. Rather I have been secluded and locked away behind dirty doors- in rooms sparse of much furniture and boarded up windows. I felt like a prisoner but I was no such thing - just a feeling I had. You see, I have been most gravely ill. I puzzled the doctors. I frightened myself, For a very short while I was sure I was about to die. It is not a nice feeling - nor is it a comforting thought. I was locked in a desperately idle sense of fear and the frustration of feeling lost; not knowing where you are, how long you have been there.... fear, great feelings of sickness and fear.

Later I shall write more. I doubt there is a soul out there who remember me.... so I do not feel like I am leaving anyone on the edge. If all goes well, there should be more than enough time to explain as much as I care to remember.

Until then,

Ingress

It was a great Birthday. Just "lounged" all day and ate goodies and watched movies. I may have to add another birthday to this year - before 2008 begins!


MySpace Glitter Graphics

Goodnight to all!

Ingress

My Birthday has always been extremely important for me. It makes little difference if I am surrounded by people wishing me well or if I am all alone with only my memories to keep me company. There have been years I have actually preferred being alone while other years I have planned (or someone else has planned) a lavish affair. You see, my birthday marks "my personal year". It is, at the same time, both the beginning and the ending of yet another year of life. A time to reflect upon what I have and what I have not accomplished. Goals met, opportunities missed.

When I was (much) younger, between the ages of 27 and 32, I always did acid (L.S.D.) on my birthday as a way to facilitate my mental journey across the years "from then to now". The day before my birthday I would clean my desert house to shinny perfection, lay out the clothes I would wear, be sure I had the refrigerator and freezer filled with things I knew I would enjoy eating during the day/night long trip and review my list of things I wanted to be sure were at the house for my birthday as I never drove the car when "tripping" and never drove on my birthday either. I caused myself to be isolated in my home high up in the foothills (this is long before I met Armando and lived with him at Casa P.P.) to the Tucson Mountains. Oh yes, one other very important thing: I always baked a birthday cake for myself the day before. Rarely, if ever, was anyone invited to come to the house for my special day - but if, for some odd reason, I had invited someone, I always told them to come by after 5:30 P.M. - insuring my total privacy for the morning & afternoon. The last things I would do on my birthday-eve was to take a long shower (to awake clean and fresh) and then set the clock to 4:30 A.M. for the following morning. Why would I do that, you might ask? Well, that way... I would wake up at 4 A.M. take the acid and then go back to sleep. In an hour or so I would wake up again, but this time I would be drifting high above reality in my altered state of consciousness. Those were great birthdays and I remember them with much fondness. Would I do it again? Would I drop acid on my birthday? NEVER! Not On You Life (or mine!) L.S.D. is not for old farts who are up to their eyeballs in depression and worry. Without a doubt, I know for a fact that if I were to do acid again, I would end up in the "Nut House!" Somethings are better left as memories.

During the years I spent traveling all over the planet, it was fun to celebrate my birthdays in out of the way places or doing things I could not possibly do at home. Things like sailing down the Nile River (in Egypt) on a small barge sipping date wine, cruising into the port of (then) Leningrad (Now back to original name: St. Petersburg) in the former U.S.S.R. on one of the three grand white ships of the Royal Viking Line, or at some all most unknown south Pacific island on a deserted white powered sand beach. There were also years when I enjoyed grand dinners at fashionable restaurants in the great capitals of Europe - other times when birthday celebrations were far more simple but just as enjoyable.

Could it be that since I am a "July" Leo, I am prone to extravagant and somewhat eccentric
behavior? But I am also very adaptable and can fit into almost any situation comfortably. As I grow older I no longer ask as many questions of myself. I am more contented with certain aspects of my life while I have given up on trying to change other things that can not be "fixed" for the sake of vanity alone.

What will tomorrow bring? I have no desire to go to some grand restaurant (can't afford it anyhow!) and since neither Armando or myself will be drinking alcohol, there will be no champagne to pop open. No gifts either. Dear Lord, it has been centuries since I have opened a gift! Certainly there will be no acid trip - no alarm clock going off at 4:00 A.M.
There will only be Armando, Mr. Cat & Zack waiting for me to wake up. How lucky I am to have this little family around me! At this time in my life, it is far better to have these things around me than all the capitals of Europe, all the ports-o-call, any of the ships of the Royal Viking Line or any sites of antiquity.

But I can not help but wonder what next year will bring?

Birthday cake, anyone?

Ingress (Photos below are at age 55 and at age 5. I will be 61 tomorrow )

A ray of sunshine broke through the dark churning clouds today for both A. and myself. A. received a call from the place he really wants to work at (this would be a great job for him. I will tell you more about it if and when he does, in fact, get hired.). He finally got the name of the person who actually hires new people and not just more of the same run around he had been getting for the past few weeks. On Monday he will call and hopefully make an appointment with this person and begin the process of interviewing. It is all so new for the old dear. He had owned his own salon for 30 plus years which was extremely successful. It was one of the most successful independently own salons in the city. For years he was the Hallmark and "last word" on fashion and style. In 1985 he was voted "Best dressed man - in our city - by G.Q. magazine. Tragically, it all went downhill when his drinking grew into alcoholism. He is in recovery now - but has lost everything because of drinking. He didn't lose me, but came very close to it! The retched gossip and vicious lies that were told about him were just awful! People can be so cruel when a person falls down on their luck. It hurt us both badly - especially since so many of these vile people had once been friends of ours. Of course A. is not an innocent! His drinking was horrid and he is lucky he was able to come out of it (I hope!) with as much as he did. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to associate with him but there is no reason to add to his misery with lies and and telling others things that had nothing to do with the results of his being a drunk. So now we take all things one day at a time - but still, it is hell to see your life and possessions being taken away bit by bit... selling treasure to pay bill, buy food.... yes, it is hell. So we pray this job opportunity will work out for him and he will be able to begin again and rebuild his self esteem.

As for myself... I received payment from my patrons today for the newest painting I just completed for them. They money will keep the hounds away from the gates to Casa P.P. and assure us that nothing will be turned off or disconnected for a few months anyway - or until A. is employed. This is all so new for me. In an odd way, I really don't mind the loss of "things" or not being able to travel as we used to do. I am a bit too fragile these days to travel much and my ability to walk is nearly gone. About the only type of travel I could do now is ship travel - but there is no way we could afford that anymore so there is no point in even thinking about such things. I am just happy our home is safe... for the present time.

So, I guess God did listen to our prayers and gave us a bit of hope. I am so very grateful. There is still so much to do... so many things continue to block our path... but days like to day have given me a touch of hope and right now a touch of hope is like a pouch filled with gold coins!

Until next time.......
Ingress


Our Norwegian Forest Cat. His name is Mr. Catt